I'm NOT a Failure!
I felt like a failure this morning. Intellectually and logically I know I’m not but it doesn’t seem to matter as I still feel like a failure.
It’s all to do with the damn scales. If I’m not losing exactly the amount I think I should have at exactly the right time, it equals failure for me in my head…. which is so ridiculous when put into context. So I’m going to prove to myself I’ve come a long way!
Three years ago I discovered I’m a sugar addict. When I read about sugar addiction, I had what they call a lightbulb moment. Everything clicked into place and the last 40 odd years of my life made sense. Most people are addicted to sugar as it’s a highly addictive substance but some lucky people, like my husband aren’t. We’ve all met someone like that, “No, I don’t have a sweet tooth, I can take it or leave it” (damn you people to hell!)
Anyway I digress. 3 years ago I decided to wipe sugar out of my diet so I cleared out the pantry & fridge, read up on no-added sugar recipes and educated myself on all the sources of sugar. I did really well but as many do at the start, I ate stuff like potato chips (there’s no sugar in them I would think) and other savoury stuff. I also started making “sugar-free” treats using honey, rice malt syrup, maple syrup etc. I would sit down and eat the lot but reassure myself they were made of all “natural” sugar so they were ok!
And all the time I was doing this I kept educating myself. I read and I googled and I bought books and listened to endless podcasts. I enrolled in and completed a Health Coaching course through the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. I learnt and I learnt and I learnt.
Sometime during my study at IIN I finally realised (accepted) that vegetable oils were highly processed, rancid and inflammatory so I made the decision to cut ALL processed food out of my diet. I became paleo and started buying organic veggies and meat. I still made “paleo treats” but also upped my intake of vegetables, learnt how to make bone broth and sauerkraut and taught myself to like both of them! I generally just kept moving forward with improvements to my diet.
I kept reading and listening and learning and came to the realisation that while I had reduced (if not completely removed) the chemicals, pesticides and toxins I had been ingesting through food, I was still taking them in through my skin and environment, therefore still placing a toxic load on my body.
So I started making changes to reduce external toxins and chemicals. I gradually replaced all my personal hygiene products like moisturiser, deoderant, make-up and hair products with chemical-free and mineral based versions. I don’t use any chemicals on my skin or hair now and have saved an inordinate amount of money by doing so. No-one has complained yet that I smell bad so it’s all good so far!
Then I realised that I was still using chemicals around the house so I switched to natural cleaning products like laundry liquid, wash-up detergent & cleaning supplies. I actually use white vinegar for just about everything (it’s a buck twenty for a 2L bottle so 2 or 3 bottles a week is still super cheap!)
Which brings me to now. In the last 3 weeks I have tweaked my diet to be strict LCHF (Low carb, healthy fat) which means keeping carbs under 20gm a day and eating plenty of healthy fats to stay satiated. I love this way of eating, it’s very easy, satisfying and provides endless energy. I have lost approx. 3 kilos in 3 weeks, which is exactly what I mapped out for myself. But do you think I am satisfied?
You guessed it, no I’m not! Like everyone’s, my weight fluctuates daily on the scale (and I would know given how many times I obsessively get on that bad boy). Today is 3 weeks exactly and it’s not showing the full 3 kilos! Talk about pissed off. I just got my period, I suspect that has something to do with it but it would also depend on whether I just had a drink of water, how much I pee’d through the night and whether I’ve had my morning poo or not!
So I was feeling disappointed this morning then I realised how ridiculous that is. What I have achieved in the last 3 years to clean up my diet and lifestyle is amazing and the best part about it is I’m no longer blind to the truth of the world we live in where we’re surrounded by high carb, nutrient deficient, processed food, with unregulated labelling that lies and where doctors simply prescribe a pill for whatever ails you in the 10 minutes they have to “consult” with you. I have taken control of my own health and wellbeing and I feel fantastic as a result!
This is not a happily ever after story as I remain obsessed with the freakin’ scales but at least I feel a bit better for writing this and can acknowledge that what I have achieved so far through small, incremental changes, has most likely added years to my life. I intend to live longer, not just die longer and have fun doing it!